Carmichael Dave was a regular caller into KHTK, and somehow managed to BLACKmail (why does it have to be black?) management into giving him a radio show.
He hosted the Carmichael Dave Show at night until Doni G enlisted him as a sidekick for the mid-day Don Geronimo Show. DAVE MAKES HIS GLORIOUS, TRIUMPHANT RETURN TO 1140 KHTK HOME OF THE KINGS AND CBS RADIO AND FANS AND HOT TALK! MONDAY, 08 JULY, YOU FUCKERS!
Awesome Shit Dave SaysEdit
Yes, Dave says some pretty fucked up things. But c'mon now, we've all thought them. And you wish you had enough balls to say some of the following things on air...
- Groundhog Day, Rape, and Murder: Dave brought up a valid point about the movie. He reasoned that given all of the repeated iterations of the day, and Bill Murray's character's moral degradation to the point of suicide, that other morally reprehensible things had to have occurred--albeit, offscreen-- such as rape, bestiality, and murder. This seems to hold true as most people would rape/kill/have-
awesome-sex-with-animals before they would consider taking their own lives.
- "High-Fiving" with your Bros: Dave's argument was simply this-- life would be a lot easier for your typical adult male if homosexual attraction was the rule, not the exception. This was taken out of context by the rest of the crew (and probably wasn't fully understood). Dave's argument is based on two premises. First, women are not as fun to hang around with as your bros are (Corollary: The only reason we keep women around is for the vagoo). Second, guys are fun to hang around with but since most of us don't like other dudes' dongs inside of us, our guy-to-guy relationships are destined to be platonic in nature.
- Asian Massage Parlors: This is where the Theater of the Mind really comes into play, and why radio is so kick-me-in-the-face awesome. Dave casually mentioned early in his new role as Doni's sidekick that not only did he frequent AMP's for happy endings, but that this was a Carmichael Melissa sanctioned activity since certain sexual acts were performed on Dave-- thereby relieving her of dutifully performing any acts
involving her mouthout of marital obligation. This appeared to catch an incredulous Doni completely by surprise (which added to our uncertainty as listeners that this was merely a bit). To cap it off, Doni and Dave called Carmichael Melissa on the air, who didn't categorically deny their arrangement.
- Melissa's Softball Jersey: When Carmichael Melissa took the kids down to LA to visit family, Dave had some time for self-exploration, he admitted on the air. Upon completion, he was unable to find his usual washrag and subsequently used his wife's black softball jersey. He immediately regretted saying this on-air, as she may have been within range of KHTK's signal. I liked it so much, I made a twitter account.
Carmichael Dave is married to Carmichael Melissa. Together, they have two kids: Carmichael Avery and Carmichael Mason. He has a sister who is alleged to have banged Urijah Faber.
Dave was born from proud FSU alumni, Although ranked well outside of the top 100 schools of higher learning in the nation Dave utterly failed to follow his parents' footsteps and instead enrolled in Hope High School for delinquents where he had his ass kicked on a daily basis.
Carmichael Dave is also well known for bad teeth & palsy eyes. Recently he went to a dentist & the dentist told him "No fucking way I touch that shit." Due to his recent unemployment Dave has volunteered to have his teeth studied by the military so they may develop a weapon to scare the fuck out of Al Queda.
Besides his radio talent Carmichael Dave has a knack for farting on cue into any microphone ever developed. He can play most any Hootie & the Blowfish song with his flatulence.
His recent attempt at keeping him busy Carmichael Dave did a live Ustream cast while under the influence of some illicit drugs (allegedly). He even broadcast a sexy shower scene of his super hot wife, Carmichael Mellisa.
Departure from KHTKhomeofthekingssports1140thefanEdit WHAT THE FUCK, HUH? I MEAN, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? HOW ABOUT, GO EAT A BAG OF DICKS, KHTK MANAGEMENT. GO EAT A BIG BAG OF SWEET-SMELLING, SEVERED DICKS.
Carmichael Dave's Wacky Morning Zoo/Rapehouse and Other Awesome Shit (featuring some other dude we don't really give a fuck about yet)Edit
Yeah, bitches! Dave's coming back to KHTK to host the morning show with some other dude from some other awesome CBS radio station.
"A huge mistake undone" - Don Geronimo
"Get him the fuck out of my house sweet Jesus I'm about to take him fishing in the Berkeley Marina." - Carmichael Melissa
- Dave's "son" looks a lot like Grant Napear...
- Carmichael Melissa is allegedly making sexytime with an unnamed member of the Sacramento Kings when Dave is busy making money to support his family.
- Dave believes former FSU coach Bobby Bowden to be more popular than Jesus H. Christ
- While attempting to sneak a fart while on-air Dave instead chose to exercise the bowel control of a 4 year old mongoloid child and completely soiled his superman underwear. Said underwear was then left in the employee bathroom trash for some poor unwitting immigrant custodian to find.